Saturday, May 21, 2011

How to win your age group in a swimming race

My fool-proof plan for any fool:

1. Make sure few, if any, racers are also in your age group; by any means necessary, if necessary.
2. Badger and cajole race officials into narrowing the age group by needless constraints.
3. Be old … er … ish.
4. Don't drown.

— or —

5. Stagger out of the water like an evolutionary throwback, and become pleasantly surprised that all three conditions conspired to make you the recipient of the hallowed blue ribbon.

I went with Step 5 in the 500-meter race, finishing at 11 minutes, 41 seconds and a few tenths (think of the iconic running scene from Chariots of Fire, except without music or the need for slow-mo camera effects, and swimming instead of running, of course) at the Spring Lake (Santa Rosa) 2011 Swim Saturday.  Nonetheless, I trounced the male, 45-49 age bracket.  I might also have taken home second- and third-place ribbons in that category, but the race sponsors were not feeling that generous.


  1. Congratlations, don't swim with the ribbon tho....

  2. can't go any slower, so what's the harm?